So granted a lot worse things could happen, but today is definately not my day.
Monday, go figure.
It started when I was getting dressed with finding a hole in my pants that would have been noticable in a not so great place. I had done a giant load of laundry the night before and everything else was wet. Which meant finding the time to mend my pants.
Next I drove off to work without my purse. No badge to get past security, no office key, no wallet with drivers licence, no gym card for after work. Turn around to retrieve it. Yep, I'm definately past the couple minutes late mark.
Back on track I'm in the car pulling out of my neighborhood when my normally spill proof travel coffee mug slips out of my hand, lid comes off, coffee everywhere, including on me. Go directly to home. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
Pull into work over an hour late. Definately not my day.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Life in the Middle Class
Isn't life supposed to be better than this? Isn't it supposed to be more exciting?
I feel lied to. You grow up hearing these fairy tales of princesses and happy endings only to be disapointed when nothing even vaguely resembling these stories happens in your own life. You see adults taking vacations, buying nice cars and owning nice homes only to find yourself struggling just to pay your basic bills and driving your old car until the wheels fall off.
When you're young teachers and parents tell you to do your best and that will be enough. But once you get a job you quickly learn that there are times where your best just isn't good enough. And doing your best isn't going to keep your job for you.
As a kid you look at adults and think they are trying to stop you from having fun. You can't wait to grown up and be on your own. But once you are on your own you quickly wish you could go back to being a child.
Daydreaming never stops. There is always the wish and the hope of something more. Wanting to be someone else. Wanting to do something else. Very few people are ever lucky enough to be happy with where they are in life.
And so you find yourself in a moment of frustration yelling into the wind "What's the point?"
From my favorite Philosopher:
"The present is never our goal: the past and present are our means: the future alone is our goal. Thus, we never live but we hope to live; and always hoping to be happy, it is inevitable that we will never be so." - Blaise Pascal
I feel lied to. You grow up hearing these fairy tales of princesses and happy endings only to be disapointed when nothing even vaguely resembling these stories happens in your own life. You see adults taking vacations, buying nice cars and owning nice homes only to find yourself struggling just to pay your basic bills and driving your old car until the wheels fall off.
When you're young teachers and parents tell you to do your best and that will be enough. But once you get a job you quickly learn that there are times where your best just isn't good enough. And doing your best isn't going to keep your job for you.
As a kid you look at adults and think they are trying to stop you from having fun. You can't wait to grown up and be on your own. But once you are on your own you quickly wish you could go back to being a child.
Daydreaming never stops. There is always the wish and the hope of something more. Wanting to be someone else. Wanting to do something else. Very few people are ever lucky enough to be happy with where they are in life.
And so you find yourself in a moment of frustration yelling into the wind "What's the point?"
From my favorite Philosopher:
"The present is never our goal: the past and present are our means: the future alone is our goal. Thus, we never live but we hope to live; and always hoping to be happy, it is inevitable that we will never be so." - Blaise Pascal
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Time for Changes
I changed jobs recently. Same title, same company, but a new team. It's sad really. I mean, the excitement of new challenges is there along with meeting new people. There is a lot of joy involved. But the thing is that along with all the joy comes morning so long as there was something to be left behind.
Had I completely hated my old job and those I worked with I think this transition would have been easier. However that was not the case. I did hate certain aspects of the org structure, and did feel I was not being treated with respect by a few key people. But 80% of the people I worked with and tasks that I did I enjoyed. So it's sad really the the 20% was bad enough that in the end I felt I needed to go.
So I mourn in my joy. I miss the sense of confidence I had about my previous position. I knew what I was doing and I was good at it. In this new role there is a lot more uncertainty. I miss the people I wored with. I miss people stopping in my office to chat, the personal connections I had. And I miss the friends I thought I had.
Working with people so much, it's inevitable that sometimes life outside of work would spill in. And I had many relationships with people which continued outside of work with BBQ's and dinners. So when the connection of work is severed, you hope that those things were real enough that the friendship will continue. And it's sad when they don't. I'm not saying that was the case with everyone. There are some who this change has strengthened our friendship. We actually chat more often now and about personal matters rather then complaning over work. But there are others who no longer contact me. Who say they are too busy. And that... that makes things so much more... bitter-sweet.
Had I completely hated my old job and those I worked with I think this transition would have been easier. However that was not the case. I did hate certain aspects of the org structure, and did feel I was not being treated with respect by a few key people. But 80% of the people I worked with and tasks that I did I enjoyed. So it's sad really the the 20% was bad enough that in the end I felt I needed to go.
So I mourn in my joy. I miss the sense of confidence I had about my previous position. I knew what I was doing and I was good at it. In this new role there is a lot more uncertainty. I miss the people I wored with. I miss people stopping in my office to chat, the personal connections I had. And I miss the friends I thought I had.
Working with people so much, it's inevitable that sometimes life outside of work would spill in. And I had many relationships with people which continued outside of work with BBQ's and dinners. So when the connection of work is severed, you hope that those things were real enough that the friendship will continue. And it's sad when they don't. I'm not saying that was the case with everyone. There are some who this change has strengthened our friendship. We actually chat more often now and about personal matters rather then complaning over work. But there are others who no longer contact me. Who say they are too busy. And that... that makes things so much more... bitter-sweet.
Monday, May 16, 2011
They're rubber and you're glue.
Judgement is such a natural part of life. Everyone does it, everyone suffers from it. But just because we all do something never makes it right. We think that it's no big deal. Look at that person over there. Did they not look in the mirror this morning? How could they knowingly leave the house with their hair like that? Or in that shirt, those pants, those shoes... That HAT! Or what about the voice of that woman in your office? The one who talks obnoxiously loud and is completely unaware of how annoying she is. Or that totally uncool guy you won't admit you dated who was so antisocial because he didn't spend time in the right places, with the right people.
We make all these snap judgments on the people we run into every day without knowing hardly a thing about them. We do it in part because we are bored and not caught up enough in our own business, but mostly we do it because in some manner we feel insecure about ourselves. We need to bring those around us down a few pages so that we can feel elevated. What we don't realize though is that the only one we are bringing down is ourselves.
First off, the people we are judging... unless you are vocalizing your opinions, don't even realize you have made these decisions regarding them. And should you be vocalizing these thoughts to them, all you are doing is displaying the darkness and inadequacies within yourself for public viewing. Additionally, these judgements you have just made have not just gone into the air and vanished. If nothing else they are saved in your own mind as a check list. Things you must never do, never imitate, unless you wish to arise self disdain.
By demanding perfection of those around you, lest they be judged, you'll soon realize that you too are being judged. And then the self consciousness arises. Now perfection must be your standard. The slightest slip up could be the cause of hours, if not weeks, of self deflating accusations. How could you be that stupid, that naive? How could you mess that up? You'll say that you don't care what other people think, but in truth if you really had not a care about others, you wouldn't have any judgements on those around you in the first place.
In reality, when we judge, the loser is ourselves. We lose respect for others, we lose respect for ourselves. We paint the world with a cynical brush. Our thoughts destroy us from within.
Therefore let your thoughts be uplifting. When you see others that are not as you are, let them be. Be happy for them that they have found happiness, who cares if it breaks your mold? And if they have not, well then pray for them that they would. Lift them up, and in return you will lift up yourself.
We make all these snap judgments on the people we run into every day without knowing hardly a thing about them. We do it in part because we are bored and not caught up enough in our own business, but mostly we do it because in some manner we feel insecure about ourselves. We need to bring those around us down a few pages so that we can feel elevated. What we don't realize though is that the only one we are bringing down is ourselves.
First off, the people we are judging... unless you are vocalizing your opinions, don't even realize you have made these decisions regarding them. And should you be vocalizing these thoughts to them, all you are doing is displaying the darkness and inadequacies within yourself for public viewing. Additionally, these judgements you have just made have not just gone into the air and vanished. If nothing else they are saved in your own mind as a check list. Things you must never do, never imitate, unless you wish to arise self disdain.
By demanding perfection of those around you, lest they be judged, you'll soon realize that you too are being judged. And then the self consciousness arises. Now perfection must be your standard. The slightest slip up could be the cause of hours, if not weeks, of self deflating accusations. How could you be that stupid, that naive? How could you mess that up? You'll say that you don't care what other people think, but in truth if you really had not a care about others, you wouldn't have any judgements on those around you in the first place.
In reality, when we judge, the loser is ourselves. We lose respect for others, we lose respect for ourselves. We paint the world with a cynical brush. Our thoughts destroy us from within.
Therefore let your thoughts be uplifting. When you see others that are not as you are, let them be. Be happy for them that they have found happiness, who cares if it breaks your mold? And if they have not, well then pray for them that they would. Lift them up, and in return you will lift up yourself.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Curse of the Rain People
What is it about the rain that you never get used to it? I've lived in Seattle since I was about 5 years old but the long periods of overcast and light misting or "Seattle rain" as we call it, never get any easier. Worst of all is watching people try and drive in the rain. You would think living in a place where rain is pretty much a given 80% of the time or so people would be experts. But every time it rains during the morning commute you're assured an extra 10-30 minutes of drive time to get there. Either by the constant brake lights as people worry they'll hydroplane on a puddle, or by an accident occurring from people losing all common sense and acting like the droplets of liquid falling from the sky are the first sign of the Apocalypse and God engulfing the world in yet another flood.
Even more comical is the refusal of Seattleites to do any sort of outdoor activity on a day that the sun is not radiating from the sky and technically classified as unusually warm. We're as vitamin D deficient as a cave man. Try passing off a fake and bake tan in this town as natural without being immediately discovered as a liar. Outside of the month of August if you dare sport a tan expect to be asked routinely "so where did you just fly in from?"
It's a funny phenomenon then that Seattle has a fairly large running community. Almost any weekend you want you can find some sort of sponsored run to benefit this or that cause... or in some cases just for the sake of an excuse to gather around a shared interest. One of my favorites I've heard of is the chocolate lovers run. I believe it was an 8K where instead of having energy goo and water at different intervals along the run, they had pit stops for chocolaty treats. Or the 5K sponsored by Top Pot doughnuts. I was disappointed when I learned that one was a weekend I would be out of town. What other time could I eat one of their decadent masterpieces, which are described as being like crack to the doughnut lover, without feeling extreme gilt over the knowledge of how calorie laden the carb loaded treat is?
I was wondering today as my friends and I ditched out on a run we were signed up for, exactly what percent of people who sign up for these runs actually participate? I would imagine the planners of these events must see a drastic drop in attendance based on the weather report. Perhaps organizers with pre-paid admittance fees to some of the more popular runs spend the prior evening attempting a rain dance in the hopes of a more manageable crowd. In all honesty I wouldn't be surprised to hear that for some races there is only 50% or less attendance of pre-registered runners.
I suppose I should feel more than just a little guilt over not attending the run this morning. Truly it is a story of cowardice for a person who has grown up around this kind of weather. But despite the fact that I had woken up early and prepared, I still supported my friends decision to keep on driving past the exit to the race as we looked at the long line of cars waiting on the freeway to exit, and the rain beating down on the windshield. So instead of running the 8K and attempting to "Beat the Bridge" before it went up, we sat nice and dry inside a Top Pot doughnuts sipping coffee. Then proceeded over to a friends house after the race traffic had cleared out to have brunch and drink mimosas. But really, who can stand the feeling of having wet feet?
Even more comical is the refusal of Seattleites to do any sort of outdoor activity on a day that the sun is not radiating from the sky and technically classified as unusually warm. We're as vitamin D deficient as a cave man. Try passing off a fake and bake tan in this town as natural without being immediately discovered as a liar. Outside of the month of August if you dare sport a tan expect to be asked routinely "so where did you just fly in from?"
It's a funny phenomenon then that Seattle has a fairly large running community. Almost any weekend you want you can find some sort of sponsored run to benefit this or that cause... or in some cases just for the sake of an excuse to gather around a shared interest. One of my favorites I've heard of is the chocolate lovers run. I believe it was an 8K where instead of having energy goo and water at different intervals along the run, they had pit stops for chocolaty treats. Or the 5K sponsored by Top Pot doughnuts. I was disappointed when I learned that one was a weekend I would be out of town. What other time could I eat one of their decadent masterpieces, which are described as being like crack to the doughnut lover, without feeling extreme gilt over the knowledge of how calorie laden the carb loaded treat is?
I was wondering today as my friends and I ditched out on a run we were signed up for, exactly what percent of people who sign up for these runs actually participate? I would imagine the planners of these events must see a drastic drop in attendance based on the weather report. Perhaps organizers with pre-paid admittance fees to some of the more popular runs spend the prior evening attempting a rain dance in the hopes of a more manageable crowd. In all honesty I wouldn't be surprised to hear that for some races there is only 50% or less attendance of pre-registered runners.
I suppose I should feel more than just a little guilt over not attending the run this morning. Truly it is a story of cowardice for a person who has grown up around this kind of weather. But despite the fact that I had woken up early and prepared, I still supported my friends decision to keep on driving past the exit to the race as we looked at the long line of cars waiting on the freeway to exit, and the rain beating down on the windshield. So instead of running the 8K and attempting to "Beat the Bridge" before it went up, we sat nice and dry inside a Top Pot doughnuts sipping coffee. Then proceeded over to a friends house after the race traffic had cleared out to have brunch and drink mimosas. But really, who can stand the feeling of having wet feet?
Saturday, March 5, 2011
From the fog
Today I took a walk and across the lake I can see Seattle covered in a light haze. Above there are breaks in the cloud cover and the rays of the sun are breaking through and illuminating small portions of the world below. One spot is hitting the lake and it is shimmering and shining. It's the way water is meant to be seen. All of it' recesses and peaks are at their best. It has dimension.
Normally when I write a post I unleash my inner sarcastic bitch and just have fun writing without the filters in my spoken dialogues. But today I write from my insecurities. Today I write from within my own fog wondering when the sun will get to me.
I feel rejected by the world. It is a strange feeling. I don't doubt my own self worth of the strength of my character. I feel I am well rounded, amiable, and have a good character. But I doubt that others value me.
It is a sad truth that we can't be whole without connection to other human beings. Sad not because a life in seclusion is better, but sad because those we depend on will always let us down. They are after all... Only human.
I am a religious person and so I do believe that God is there and so no matter what I am not alone. And that even if others don't value me God always will, just as I am. But today, that just doesn't seem tangible. To sit and watch a movie with God is just not the same as to sit and watch a movie with another human.
I suppose regardless where I find myself in life this will always be a problem. Even if I meet "the right one for me" and we get married and have a plethora of children, I'll still have days were I feel undervalued or unvalued altogether. As long as we need, we'll always find ourselves in moments of loss.
Normally when I write a post I unleash my inner sarcastic bitch and just have fun writing without the filters in my spoken dialogues. But today I write from my insecurities. Today I write from within my own fog wondering when the sun will get to me.
I feel rejected by the world. It is a strange feeling. I don't doubt my own self worth of the strength of my character. I feel I am well rounded, amiable, and have a good character. But I doubt that others value me.
It is a sad truth that we can't be whole without connection to other human beings. Sad not because a life in seclusion is better, but sad because those we depend on will always let us down. They are after all... Only human.
I am a religious person and so I do believe that God is there and so no matter what I am not alone. And that even if others don't value me God always will, just as I am. But today, that just doesn't seem tangible. To sit and watch a movie with God is just not the same as to sit and watch a movie with another human.
I suppose regardless where I find myself in life this will always be a problem. Even if I meet "the right one for me" and we get married and have a plethora of children, I'll still have days were I feel undervalued or unvalued altogether. As long as we need, we'll always find ourselves in moments of loss.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
110% Liars
So maybe I'm too analytical, but have you ever thought about when people say that they are giving 110% of themselves to something. Not only is that not possible, but it is so obviously not possible... is it just me or doesn't it seem extremely idiotic to say?
It it like advertising you don't understand the basic definition of 100% of a limited resource. 100% of something is all of it. If there was 10% more that would have been included in the 100%. The only cases where 110% make sense is when there was more of something to give that wasn't given in the first place. So you're saying give me 110% of what I had before. Or what that other person had. Like in the case of a big bowl of M&M's where you give someone 10 and then tell them they can have 110% next time.
When people say they are going to give 110% to something it makes me think of a couple of things. Either they are someone who generally doesn't put their best effort into something. Say they typically give only 50% of their energy to something so now they'll give 55% of it. Basically they are generally a slacker.
Or the other conclusion I come to is that they are illogical and don't think through what they say before they speak. They are over committers and self saboteurs. They set themselves unattainable goals (either intentionally or unintentionally). Which in their inability to achieve causes them to doubt themselves and feel inadequate. And at the root of it all they are not to be trusted.
If they are so easily able to spout off unachievable comments as if they were indeed reasonable and attainable, what else could they possibly be over exaggerating and committing to in their lives?
I realize this is a common catch phrase in our society, however something being common doesn't make it right. There are far more inaccurate and obviously stupid concepts believed to be truths that have been spread around and believed in cultures and societies around the world throughout history.
It it like advertising you don't understand the basic definition of 100% of a limited resource. 100% of something is all of it. If there was 10% more that would have been included in the 100%. The only cases where 110% make sense is when there was more of something to give that wasn't given in the first place. So you're saying give me 110% of what I had before. Or what that other person had. Like in the case of a big bowl of M&M's where you give someone 10 and then tell them they can have 110% next time.
When people say they are going to give 110% to something it makes me think of a couple of things. Either they are someone who generally doesn't put their best effort into something. Say they typically give only 50% of their energy to something so now they'll give 55% of it. Basically they are generally a slacker.
Or the other conclusion I come to is that they are illogical and don't think through what they say before they speak. They are over committers and self saboteurs. They set themselves unattainable goals (either intentionally or unintentionally). Which in their inability to achieve causes them to doubt themselves and feel inadequate. And at the root of it all they are not to be trusted.
If they are so easily able to spout off unachievable comments as if they were indeed reasonable and attainable, what else could they possibly be over exaggerating and committing to in their lives?
I realize this is a common catch phrase in our society, however something being common doesn't make it right. There are far more inaccurate and obviously stupid concepts believed to be truths that have been spread around and believed in cultures and societies around the world throughout history.
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